Den called me tonight. Sounded pretty good. Wanted me to know the visiting nurse was coming in the morning. So I will be going there to meet and speak with her. He said his cat was doing better...Thank god! He thinks the heat may have been getting to him but he is an older cat too. He did go out with 8 of his work friends for dinner last night and said he had a good time.

Talked with Den briefly today. He called me back early afternoon after leaving him a message. Had just got back from his workplace. Said he was very tired and was going to take a nap. He is going out tonight for supper with a few of his work friends. He seemed very sad cause he told me "I think Charlie is dying" (one of his cats).. That he's been throwing up blood and is lethargic. That history is repeating itself all over again. Denny and Cindy's dog died shortly before Cindy which was very hard on them as well. Unbelievable!! Like he needs this on top of all he has to deal with now! Said he was going to Billerica for a cookout with work friends. Asked him if he'd like something special to eat sometime this week that me, Barb or Nancy would make for him but he declined saying he doesn't know what he wants from one day to the next or even if he'd eat. I was surprised to hear that cause it seemed his appetite has been pretty good. I also asked him if he'd like to come down here on Sun for a roast beef dinner or Nancy's on Monday night cause Mariah wanted to make a birthday dinner for Nancy and again declined saying he "didn't want to make long term plans". My heart is aching for him! Hopefully tomorrow is a little better for him....Love ya Den! xoxo

Last night we went to Barbara's for steak dinner (Den, Me, Mike, Nancy, Scott, Barb, Tom and their kids Shaughn, Mikayla and Kimberly) Den's appetite is still really good! We were there for 4 hours or so. Was a wonderful evening! We watched the family party that Nancy got on video on the T.V... omg, was really funny at times! We all laughed! Den commented that he sees why we are concerned...he said he didn't think he looked that bad Today, the 15th~ Talked on the phone with Den for 4 hours. I so love talking to him. Talked about so many different topics. I cried a couple times trying hard not to let him know, but I know he did. I can't believe this is happening to him! That in a matter of days or couple weeks he will be gone! Today, one of the things we talked about was dying~ That was difficult for both of us, more me it seemed. I thought he might want to talk about it. So I asked him, "what do you believe will happen Den" We had a nice talk and even giggled a little cause we both have different views. I will keep 99% of that between him and I. But he did tell me "well Cheryl, someday we'll see if you're right, but your probably not" I told him, well Den, someday I'm gonna tell you.. I told you so!.. We giggled ... (but it's really not funny one bit!) My intentions were to try to comfort him but he said he's really okay with it, that he's not afraid of dying. So guess who comforted who? We talked about hope, he said "hope is just a word...that if there was hope, he would have hoped that he and Cindy could have grown old together. I really can't do this tonight, my heart is broken... Please don't be afraid to talk to him and ask what you need to or tell him what you feel, he and us is running out of time~

My father is a great man. I'm realizing more and more each day how amazing he really is. He's going through a lot, yet he still makes me laugh and tries to ease the emotional pain. We try to go visit him every other day or so. Sometimes he wants to rest and we just go the next day. We talk on the phone a few times a day, usually. He calls me when he gets up in the morning just to let me know he's "okay." He's been taking Motrin for his pain, which I find amazing. His pain tolerance is high. He tries not to take the Percocet too often. Usually before bed. I feel terrible that he has trouble concentrating on reading and guitar now. Those were his favorite things to pass the time. I miss listening to him play, he is so talented. He's still working on the same book for over a month... so not him. He generally reads a book a week or so. He'll read and re-read certain books he has. He comes across information that he didn't notice the first time, I guess. :) Me, Mike and the boys are going over there tomorrow. It's the 8th anniversary of my mom's death. I'm going to cook something and just hang out for the day. He'll enjoy that. He loves to eat. :-) I have told Kevin and Christopher what's going on... they are okay so far. They had a lot of questions that I tried to answer in a way that they would understand. Kevin has been getting up in the middle of the night since my dad's surgery (July 7th). He's worried about Papa. He said he feels a little better knowing what's going on because he knew it was "something bad." I just can't believe we're going to lose him so young. I feel so robbed for my kids. My mom was 44 and my dad is going to be in his mid-early 50's. It sucks... to see a man that has always been so physically strong and fit to becoming frail and thin in a matter of weeks. I'm so afraid that the tumors in his brain are going to start changing his behavior and altering the person that he is. The kind, gentle, funny, brutally honest person that I love so much.

Called Denny around 10am to let him know I'd be there around 1. He sounded very tired! Brought him the stuffing, chowder and watermelon. Anthony was here so I asked him to slice it up for Den cause I know he's getting weaker. When I arrived, the side door was opened and he was on the couch, leaning on the arm of it with his right elbow and hand supporting his head. He looked extremely tired and even sad. His eyes were very red. I suspected he'd been crying. I leaned over to him and hugged him tight! He's getting so frail! Oh my god, this is so hard to watch him go through this!!! I had to quickly think about something to talk about, and it seemed like forever that we were quite. I sat down and patted his cat Charlie and he hissed at me showing his teeth and Denny chuckled telling me "don't do that, he'll bite ya". We both laughed! lol He said he didn't sleep again, got about 3 hours total but not consecutive. He said he "set his phone alarm cause the visiting nurse was coming at 8:30 and wanted to be up and ready for her". When she didn't show he realized that today wasn't Thurs (which is when she's coming). He seemed annoyed with himself about the mix-up. I told him not to worry about it, it's cause you're tired but we both knew it is probably more than that. We talked about the family, growing up, our friends that we hung out with together back then. Den and I had a lot of the same friends growing up. He has stayed in touched with some of them. A couple he is very fond of and talked how even back then when we were kids, one of them did a lot for our family, Mark Wolforth. We all called him Guinea back then. He said he helped him out with his heating system, just had him pay for parts. He said "for all he did for us back then, that's the least I could do for him in return". He remembered a lot more than I did growing up. That made me feel good cause his mind is still working what seemed to me to be fine as he talked and I listened. His heads hurts a lot but still tries to resist taking the pain meds as long as he can. I wanted to leave about an hour or so after getting there encouraging him to lay down and rest cause his work friend was gonna be coming by but he said "no, you don't need to go". He only got up twice while I was there, once to get a cigarette as he's telling me he doesn't smoke too much but "what does that matter now" :( Again when I was leaving...we hugged, chatted for a minute more, then hugged again. I hated to leave him and sobbed as I drove home~

Called him in the afternoon, had just gotten up from a nap. Was supposed to visit him today but he said lets do it Wed. He had some things he wanted to do and tomorrow April and the boys were coming over. As we were hanging up, Bud came. I was glad to hear that cause he sounded kind of sad. I'm worrying about him because the 8th anniversary of Cindy's death is approaching. Let's try and keep him pre-occupied!

Had a nice talk on the phone tonight. He says he's tired, always tired, getting weaker. Was finishing up doing laundry. Complained some about hospice~ I had asked if I could meet the nurse sometime. He said fine but not this week. She is coming at 8:30 in the morning Thurs 8/13. He feels they are annoying him. He's not really ready for them he says. I had thought it was going to be Monday's but he said now it is still once a week but he will pick the day and time. I listen and do understand what he says but on the other hand I do think it might be beneficial for her to be there to monitor him. Even though he is annoyed, he hasn't turned them away completely. He says in his opinion "they just God damn want the money" Someone showed up unannounced Sat morning before the family get together. She was the "weekend" nurse. He was mad and turned her away. It sounds like maybe he feels they are rushing the end for him. He says they check vital signs (which are always good) and talks about pain management. They have talked about morphine which he wants no part of discussing right now. I'm not to what extent he talks to the nurse about that though. I asked if he asks questions, he said he does. I'll call him again in the morning as I will be visiting him early afternoon but just for a short visit. One of his work friends is coming over after work so he wants a little time before he comes. Making him the family favorite stuffing in the morning. Mike and I bought him some clam chowder at a local restaurant tonight. Will surprise him with that. He really likes chowder. His appetite is still good, thankfully! April and the boys were over today. They went to the store and got the boys those Razor bikes. Denny said he put them together and the boys rode around in his basement. He enjoyed seeing that they were happy. I'm so glad he has them because they do brighten his life. They have a wonderful bond. Sadly, the little ones have no idea as to what is to come :( Will be going to Barbara and Tom's Friday for dinner. Mike and I and Nancy will pick him up so he doesn't have to worry about driving. He's looking forward to beef. Love's beef!

What a nice memorable day we all had together! I am extremely proud of everyone for their composure although our hearts were breaking. Especially proud of you Denny! I'm sure it was most difficult for you. The love we all have for you and each other is beyond words! We will always treasure you Den! You are an amazing man! xoxoxo

This is extremely hard for me to write. I am losing my father to the same disease that took my mother from us so young. CANCER, that awful, awful disease.

Cheryl

16 years ago

April, My heart breaks for you honey! You're such a wonderful daughter! You, Michael and your boys gave your Dad so many happy years of love and happiness! May the memories you've shared comfort you through the days and years to come! No one can ever take the place of your Mom or Dad, but please know I'm always here for you and your family. I love you honey and want you to stay close! Aunt Cheryl xoxoxo

Kerry Meegan-McCue

16 years ago

Hi April, I am so very sorry you have to go through this again. I know words will not ever make this easier. I can't even pretend to know how you are feeling. I will never understand why good people go through such terrible things. Please know that my prayers are with you and your family. I wish I could say honestly that I have a close relationship with your Dad, but I don't. But, I do love him very much. He is an amazing and courageous man who thinks of everyone else before himself. I have not had many opportunities in my adult life to be around him which is unfortunate but we all know how he likes to keep to himself. I do however have many memories of him from my childhood which are all pleasant ones. Summer's spent on Dix St at Aunt Cheryl and uncle Mike's, always around him then. Your mom was always giving us all haircuts in your kitchen as they secretly tried to hide being head over heels in love in front of us kids! I will always remember his soft spoken, patient mannerism. I don't think he ever raised his voice to any of us kids. I remember him playing his guitar, or playing with Vondel while wearing his fabulous cut off corduroy shorts!!! Especially how much he LOVED you and your mom. Thinking of those days makes me smile. You were our family then, and still are today. Please don't be a stranger April, we have so many more memories to create with our own children. Love to you all....Uncle Den if you have been reading these posts, I love you and admire you more than you know. xoxoxoxoxo

Kerry Meegan-McCue

16 years ago

Hi April, I am so very sorry you have to go through this again. I know words will not ever make this easier. I can't even pretend to know how you are feeling. I will never understand why good people go through such terrible things. Please know that my prayers are with you and your family. I wish I could say honestly that I have a close relationship with your Dad, but I don't. But, I do love him very much. He is an amazing and courageous man who thinks of everyone else before himself. I have not had many opportunities in my adult life to be around him which is unfortunate but we all know how he likes to keep to himself. I do however have many memories of him from my childhood which are all pleasant ones. Summer's spent on Dix St at Aunt Cheryl and uncle Mike's, always around him then. Your mom was always giving us all haircuts in your kitchen as they secretly tried to hide being head over heels in love in front of us kids! I will always remember his soft spoken, patient mannerism. I don't think he ever raised his voice to any of us kids. I remember him playing his guitar, or playing with Vondel while wearing his fabulous cut off corduroy shorts!!! Especially how much he LOVED you and your mom. Thinking of those days makes me smile. You were our family then, and still are today. Please don't be a stranger April, we have so many more memories to create with our own children. Love to you all....Uncle Den if you have been reading these posts, I love you and admire you more than you know. xoxoxoxoxo

Talked with Denny tonight briefly. He sounded pretty good. Dick, Danielle, Kristin, Rob and Scott were there visiting but said they were leaving soon. Wanted to go to bed early. Said he went to his work this morning to visit his friends. Was tired cause he couldn't sleep well last night but he had told them he would be there and wanted to make it. And was glad he did! He's looking forward to us all getting together Saturday down here. So am I!

Sun July 26th all of us spent time with Denny at Michael and Rachel's. We missed Buddy and Pat. Denny looked good but very thin (see photos) He had a good appetite but was tired. Tues 28th, I talked to him on the phone for over 2 hours in the afternoon. I'm grateful for the time I have with him. I got choked up a couple times. He's so brave. He tells me "Cheryl, get a grip, get a grip... It's all okay" I'm trying very hard not to get emotional with him. I have good cries before talking to him now so I'm somewhat calm when we talk. I went to visit him that night. Brought him some casserole, scali bread and cold cuts. We visited for over 4 hrs, was very nice. He had so much to say. I can't believe the wisdom and knowledge he has. I love talking to him and will miss that but I'm going to take every opportunity to talk and/or be with him, til the end. He gave me a book about Indians that night. he knows I have an interest in that topic. It is written from diaries back in the 1800s. Very interesting so far but have decided to pick it up again to read after this nightmare is over. I have to spend my spare time with Denny. He so very much loves April and his boys. It breaks my heart for them all! I can say Denny seems ready, has a certain peace over him. Incredibly courageous! Thurs july 30th- He went out with his work friends. He very much likes all of them. I'm grateful they are there for him. He's told me all about them. He says "they are not his co-workers, they are my friends" Fri July 31st- He's was very tired today. Is having a hard time sleeping. The pain is getting a little worse he says. Tries not to take the medicine til he can't tolerate it anymore. Monday Aug 3rd- called him early afternoon. Said he'd call me back. The hospice nurse was there for the 2nd time. Called me around 4ish, talk for 1 hour or so. Had just got off the phone with Buddy. He didn't want hospice to come right yet. He had told them last week "i'll call you when i feel i need you" but that thought didn't last. he agreed she (1 nurse will take care of him) can come once a week, so looks like it will be Mondays i told him i thought that was a good idea, so she can moniter how he is doing and that he can get to know her somewhat and feel comfortable with her. she will report to his doctor. Scott had brought him some clam chowder he made on Saturday. Denny raved how good it was and that he was going to finish the last of it tonight. he said scott wanted to bring him more food tonight but he declined as he had food he bought at the market he wants to eat. We had a few chuckles about nothing. still got a sense of humor! I always tell him what he means to me. we do talk about his wishes and his feelings, some which are just mine to keep. He said today he was waiting for the nurse to bring anti seizure and pain medicine. he's having a little more pain than last week, and alot more tired. he wants this to be over, is afraid he will get to the point that he doesn't know what's going on. i comfort him the best i can and told him i feel the same. i don't want to lose him but we know he's not going to get better. i want it over fast for him so he doesn't have to suffer. he doesn't deserve that! he's suffered for years already, wanting and missing his deceased wife, cindy. she was no doubt the love of his life! 8 long years for him! so terribly sad! I don't like it that he is alone at home. not 1 bit! he says he wants everyone to continue on with their lives as if this hasn't happened. i told him he's not gonna tell me that, he's on my mind every minute as i'm sure he is for everyone that loves him. I asked him to promise me that he will call me if he needs me or just wants to talk. i don't care what time it is, i will be there. he laughed and said "i'll promise ya whatever you wanna hear" lol but then said he would. I wonder what he thinks about when he's alone. he said he doesn't think he will last a month. i told him, i will be with him til the end and forever. we all need to prepare ourselves for the saddest day to come! hope all the family can make it to my house sat, the 8th, 1:30ish. den said he'll be here about 2. this could be the last time for him to be with all of us. i do need to end this and go to bed. having alot of sleepless nights. I will update this time to time. sure hope to hear from others love yas!

One of the many best memories I have is the day Denny asked me to stand beside him the day he and Cindy got married. He wanted me to be his "best man". To this day, I am grateful to have had a part in that special day for him. Although we have 8 other brothers he could have chose, he asked me to fulfill that part. There are no words to express, my heart knows...I've always known we had a special bond. He knew when, 33 years ago, when I was 18, I gave my 1st born the middle name, Dennis. I loved him so much then and always will! Here's a flower for you Denny~