Happy Birthday, Mary Ann, 4/18/2009! I can't remember a time that I didn't know Mary Ann. Our friendship saw the 78 rpm record morph into 45 rpms, 33 1/3 rpms, 8 tracks, cassette tapes, CD’s, and into “has anyone seen my MP3player?” Our pictorial record involved the black and white roll film camera with the gnarly flash bulbs, the instamatic color slide/print cartridge camera with the flash cube. The Polaroid instamatic with the flash bar, the 35 mm camera with the built in flash, and the digital camera in phones or with more features than our fingers can fit on and our minds master before the perfect pose has eluded us. As preschoolers and during our early school years, we lived across the street from each other. I found out that if I walked to school with her, I was late for Mass. Ah, the simple days before we wore a watch. I have vivid memories of barbecues in the backyard, and Birthday Parties. When we were 5, Mary Ann's Mom, Mary Clement, made us matching skirts, vests, and blouses. I'll always remember how I enjoyed spinning around twirling in the skirt. It was so full that I could get it to spin out horizontally from the waistband. So much for my modesty at 4- 5 years old. Although we went to different grade schools, we saw each other at Family outings, Holiday Gatherings, and Birthdays. We had mutual relations, Uncle John, Aunt Sophie, Cousins, John, Tom, and George Kalaman. We had a pretty active mutual young social life, even after Maryann moved to Park Dr. She moved next door to my Kalaman Relations and 2 doors from my Horvath relations. We managed to have quite a few noisy sleepovers. We also enjoyed walking to Roosevelt Park to swim, play tennis, and use the playground equipment, or ice skate in the winter. Having Mary Ann for a friend also blessed my Adolescence. We got a little better at hitting the tennis ball. We took Lifesaving classes together at the "Y". We had fun at Idora Park, or wherever we wanted to go! I remember walking with Mary Ann all the way to Glacier Lake in Mill Creek Park. We skated a few hours, and called my Dad for a ride home. Somehow he didn't mind bringing us home. Getting him to take us somewhere was somehow out of his comfort zone. My Dad had a pet name for the immediate Family. My Mom was "Butch" My Grandma was "Toots", His Sister Margie Horvath was “Major” or Sis”. His Brother, our Uncle John, was “Bub”. Mary Ann was awarded Family nick name status with the name pronounced phonetically, Maadi Ooche. I wish that I knew the origin and the spelling of that nickname. During our high school years, we were seen together so often that we were frequently asked if we were sisters. Fortunately for the teachers, we only had band, Art and English Lit together. We did take a few summer school classes together for fun! We were hall monitors. Actually, we just enjoyed talking, dreaming, planning, and complaining to each other. Mary Ann had a developed sense of what was wrong with the politics of the Campbell Schools System. She didn't suffer hypocrites well. I believe that losing her Dad, Joe Clement, at 14, and having and accomplished older sister, Loretta, helped to make her the strong minded person that she was. We spent many hours on the phone together at that time. She did enjoy learning, of course in her own unique way! She found history and literature in Art. We did many art projects together. We did Pep Signs for the football games. Prom was one amazing project. We had more ideas than we had time or money to spend. Thank goodness or we would still be painting. Our Sponsor, Mrs. Kacenga-Shellito was very open to ideas. She helped us get the muslin we made into gossamers for the hall ceiling from the Home Ec. Budge., After the Prom, the material was later recycled for use in the Home Ec. Class. The whole committee worked for weeks. We managed to have a lot of fun as we painted two 7' x 8' Dragon murals, mounted Geisha murals, set up Tori gates, place an entry bridge over a pond that included live goldfish, build an 8' waterfall. Set up a cascading fountain. The piece d’ resistance was a 60’ mural that we all made. It was a collage of Oriental Scenes, complete with feathers, rocks, glitter, glue, and gallons of paint. Though not as grandiose as a 60'mural, the most treasured art project that I made, still hangs in my guest bedroom. It may only be a “paint by number” still- life, but I worked on it in my attic while Mary Ann worked on her project. The Sunday afternoons we spent together were priceless. We enjoyed the hours we worked in relative Solitude. It was so relaxing. To know that you are totally accepted and appreciated by a friend. Though we were but teens, we were old friends. Mary Ann was a few months older than I. What freedom we enjoyed when she got her driver's license in the spring of 1964. Summer was the best. We would cruise to Morgan's “WONDERBOY” on Market St. and 224. Remember when gas was 21 cents a gallon? For a dollar we could ride and hang around for hours. That fall we were able to attend meetings of the Future Nurses Club that we joined at South side Hosp. In our senior year we continued with all our haunts, but of course, we were driving to them then. Four Days after we graduated from High School in 1966, I started training as a Radiographer, at South Side Hosp. After class/ work, I would stop by Roosevelt Pool to visit with Mary Ann. With my fair skin, it's good that I only worked a few days for $9 a day as a Life Guard. I still remember the sunburn blisters! Yes we were pre sunscreen too! The fall of’66, Mary Ann started at YSU. We still loved to go dancing at "Mickey's, the "Roost", \the 'Y" University Club," "The Elms", both up and downstairs. Remember 3.2 Beer we could drink at “18”? It's now called "Lite." I never liked it by any name! We also managed a few trips to Columbus, to visit Jimmy Bryan! On another memorable trip, my now husband, Joe Stanko, my cousin, Jack Horvath, Mary Ann, and I drove to New York and introduced Mary Ann to Skiing for the first time. It was a predictable display of her determination, and fortitude, She didn't quit until her jeans and wool jacket were totally soaked, and not before we thought that we had lost her for a brief moment. She didn’t master how to stop before she took the lift up the hill. She managed to stay upright all the way down the hill and into the plowed parking lot at the bottom. She skied right into a 10' snow bank and totally disappeared, and I mean totally disappeared in a mille- second, "POOF"! By the time we reached her she somehow managed to work herself out. Her plaid jacket, goggles, hair, and jeans were totally covered with snow. If we hadn't seen her get instantly swallowed by the snow bank, we would have never recognized her as she waddled from ski to ski, with arms and poles raised as being a creature of earth! When Joe and I married in August of 1970, Mary Ann was my Maid of Honor. We moved to Midland, MI, and within a month, Mary Ann moved to MA. It wasn't until 1978 with two sons, David, 4, and Jason, 2, that we visited Mary Ann and Edmond Aiello on the Cape. We drove in that day from October Mountain, where we had camped the night before. Needless to say, by the time we arrived the boys were so glad to be out of the required car seats, within minutes, Jason had managed to knock over a planter. Mary Ann calmly set the uprooted plant aside said don't worry, I'll repot it later. For someone who didn't have children, I was amazed at her empathy, patience, kindness, and understanding of them. When we visited Mary Ann in Fla., she was just as kind to my then teenage daughters, Mara and Barbara. Mary Ann, Barbara and Mara were in sync. My frog and snake catching daughters were just as at home on the beach with Mary Ann, happily hunting for shark teeth, shells, and all forms of art memorabilia, as they were at home in the ditches before we put in the drainage tiles. Mary Ann wanted me to let the girls come down and stay for the summer. I know that if she hadn't been sick, I know that I would have taken her up on the idea, at least for a week or two. Anna, Mary Ann’s Jack Russell, would have loved more Aunties to give her a bath! And besides, anyone who would hide the broccoli in the meatloaf passed my parental test of a quality summer camp! When we returned in 2006, Joe and I took Mary Ann on the sunset cruise around Sarasota. I feel as we had come full circle. We also went to a “wine Bar to listen to a local Blues Group” for a few times. The music was good, the company was great, we knew all the words to the songs, and were bold enough to sing them! Though we didn't always see eye to eye, because of Mary Ann's forgiving nature and generosity, I learned to assert myself, and that greatly helped me realize my sense of self worth. As mature adults, Mary Ann shared with me her appreciation of many things. The memories of her Parents, her Grandmother, Anna Urchak, the times that my Mom, Mary Kalaman, spent talking with her, the help she received from Aunt Sophie and Uncle John, the times she went shopping with her sister, Loretta, in Amish Country, or trying on hats with her and just being silly. She learned well from others. It would be impossible for me to feel anything but affection for her. My entire Family will forever cherish the memories of her friendship! She will always be in our hearts! She was a Great Teacher, for she was a great student. She used her Mom’s words, “Clean less, Live more!” She was grateful for all her memories. She lived well, for gratitude makes a house a castle, a simple meal a gourmet feast, an acquaintance a lifelong friend…………

lorettaf

15 years ago

Susan, There are no words to express my joy at being able to read your (collectively) rememberances of MA. I knew nothing of her teen years, since I spent very little time at home during that time. I am especially happy to hear that you guys cruised Market Street and went to the dances! I'm so happy she had you guys as her friends.

lorettaf

15 years ago

Also, I love the photos, again, thanks. I am glad you had one of her graduation, I couldn't find any!

What a lovely tribute to your sister, Loretta. I bet she's enjoying her travels with you. I have many wonderful memories of Mary Ann. 40 years ago when I first met him, my boyfriend was living in a house in E. Falmouth that he was renting from Mary Ann and Edmund and that's how I met Mary Ann. When boyfriend became husband Edmund was an usher in the wedding. It was my great good fortune that Mary Ann and I became friends when I moved to the Cape after the wedding. We maintained a close friendship ever since. She was there when my daughter was born, after having coached me in breathing lessons, and having gone through "sympathy" labor pains with me! That was typical of Mary Ann - she cared so much for her family and friends. I uploaded a picture here of her holding her godchild at the christening. She's been a great loving presence in both of our lives and is still very much in our hearts. I'm inspired every day by her courage, intelligence, creativity and generousity and all her other wonderful qualities. I will always remember what she told me not too long ago when we were talking about life, she said, "just love". Will do. Happy Birthday.

I first met Mary Ann some time after our family moved from Youngstown to Campbell when I was about 11 or 12. I went to Susan Kalaman's house (I think it was the only time) with whom I was a student at St. John's Polish Catholic school. I'm not sure whose house we went to near 3rd Street. Maggie, who later became my sister-in-law, was there as well. The three of us girls hung around together for an afternoon. I didn't see Mary Ann again until my junior year in high school. I was new to Memorial, and it was in art class that we began to spend time together. Then Mary Ann would ask me over to her house to paint. So we painted a lot together. Then she got me involved with painting the mural for the 1965 prom. Sometimes I would take my little brother Jonathan with me to her house. I remember watching Peyton Place there. Other times, we would cruise Market Street for no particular reason. We would also have discussions about God and angels. Her question to me was "How do you know?" It was Mary Ann that inspired the questioning of my religion which perculated inside me until I was 20. One day, in Hollywood, I dropped the Church and expanded to The Universe -- the intelligent Source of All Being. I also was open for the depth of questioning that I would find with Kishnamurti's philosophy—questioning all authority, including one's inner authority. Mary Ann was my original inspiration to expand. When we were both freshman at Youngstown State University where I met Linda Pera who became a life-long friend, Mary Ann wanted us to share a house together near campus. Instead, I went off to California with a young man who wanted to be an actor. It wasn't long before that relationship ended. At one point, I returned to Ohio and moved to Delaware, Ohio, near Columbus, where Mary Ann was living with Jimmy who was attending Ohio Wesleyan. I found a room to rent and stayed there for several months before I returned to Hollywood where I became involved in energy of the 1960s (it was1968). I married a crazy drummer and moved to West Seattle with him and our baby Donovan. A few months later, Mary Ann invited us to stay with her and Jimmy in Columbus. We went to Ohio and later found our own place. Linda was in Columbus as well at that time. After several months Donovan, Wayne, and I returned to California. In 1977, my new partner and two children moved to Tallahassee, Florida, and did some extra traveling to visit friends while in transition. We went to Cape Cod and stayed a day or so with Mary Ann and her first husband. They visited us in Tallahassee after we were settled in. After moving to Denver and then back to California, I decided I needed to travel—on my own, this time (1986). After a time in Europe, especially Paris, I was back in the States and visited friends before returning to California. I stayed a couple of days with Mary Ann. There were occasional phone calls and letters, especially birthday cards, over the years. In October of 2002, I visited Mary Ann in Florida and spent a couple of days there. We explored -- that's probably the best way of saying it. Our time together always seemed like some sort of exploration -- outwardly involving ourselves with art and found objects that could be art and asking internal questions of great depth. Mary Ann visited me a few months later in the Bay Area. We enjoyed San Francisco and a beach in Marin. After that, it was hour long or longer phone calls—rare but long check-ins. Two years ago, I was planning to visit my parents and my brother who had cancer for many years, whose wife Maggie (whom I had met in childhood with Mary Ann) died the year before. I wanted to take my grandson to see his great grandparents. The plan was that we would go there on my father's 80th birthday May 27th. I checked in with my niece around how my brother Ted was doing, and at one point, she became unsure that he would be here until then. I began re-thinking my original plan. On a Monday morning at 8 am, Mary Ann called me to tell me about a dream she had about my little brother Jonathan who I used to bring with me sometimes to her home during my visits. The last time she saw him, he was two years old. In the dream, he was a young teen-ager (he died at 15) and introduced himself to her as Jonathan. She interpreted the dream as meaning I should get to Ohio right away to be with my brother Ted. And so I arranged to get off from work, got a good price on a flight and arrived at my niece's house on Friday afternoon just before the hospice picked him up—he needed more intensive pain medication and care. I was with him just before he went unconscious although we knew that he knew what was going on. That night I stayed with him at the hospice, and all day Saturday friends and family visited. Just before midnight, I think it was April 21st, Teddy died. Just before he passed, I told him the story about Mary Ann and Jonathan. Then he saw something, sat up (after a day and a half of no movement) and tried to move towards what he was seeing. He exhaled and was gone. I know that Mary Ann and I have been in touch just prior to her leaving and for some time afterwards. There have been just too many synchronicities. I'm sure that she is very happy somewhere. I laugh when I remember how she signed some of her paintings RemClem. She told me that my artwork had a cartoon-like quality. It wasn't derogatory in any way, and I knew what she meant. Years later, they would be called psychedelic. Hee-hee. She could never have known that her questions about God and angels would have in a very funny way influenced my working on a PhD in Philosophy and Religion. She always encouraged me to keep going and doing all these things. Clare

lorettaf

15 years ago

Thank you for your memories, Clare. Mary Ann's ability to have synchronicities with her good friends is enviable.

Mary Ann and I met in Fall 1966 at college (both having graduated from diferent high schools in June 1966). We were both late in signing up for art classes, so we were relegated to classes held in basements of campus bulidings and the dilapidated Clingan-Waddell Hall,"the art building". MA introduced me to her childhood friend, Cheryl NKA Clare, who was an art major also. Since they were so few of us in these latecomer classes, we became a tight-knit group who struggled to learn the fundamentals of art with some very inexperienced instructors. Because we were assigned some outrageous projects by such "green " professors, we often went to each other's homes to "pow-wow". At one point, MA asked me to stay overnight because we worked late into the night on some project. I remember I didn't sleep well because I slept in Loretta Jean's twin bed that had a mattress as hard as a rock! This was the beginning of many creative projects for school and otherwise during out lifetime friendship. I was a willing participant on this crazy path we took together. It was the late 60's, the height of the British music invasion. We started hanging out at clubs where music was loud and boys were numerous . A we developed a deeper fnendship, MA told me whether I liked it or not, I had a friend for life-Her! It was at this point, MA started calling me Lindi. No one had called me that name since my Grandpa. I never heard her call me Linda again; it was always Lindi (she even determined how to spell it, Lindi not Lindy!) College was over, June 1970 and we moved to Columbus to get jobs and mostly because MA's longtime boyfriend lived there. We subletted his house while he and his buddies went on their dream motorcycle trip across the country. While they were gone,we went crazy with projects, a pleasant diversion from our monotonous paste-up artist jobs. MA painted the LR ceiling with swirled oil painting, created a built-in couch complete with paneling and body pillows. Such a risk, because Jimmy only rented the house, he wasn't the real owner! She also talked me into redoing dirt the backyard from a giant muddy parking lot for our cars to a rock garden. We went to a quarry to load my van up with rocks or should I say, boulders. Well, MA did such a fine job of loadingthat she put too much weight over the tire well and we had a very flat tire. We were in the middle of nowhere, had to hitchhike a ride to a place that had a pay phone (in the dark ages, before cell phones). Since the boys trip was cut short, we had to move. MA rented an apt. for us above Deibel's beirstube (fancy name for tavern) in the German Village section of Columbus. Of course, it had to be during Ohio State football season. Every weekend, our apt. reverberated with the sounds of happy fans singing the fight sing and more. You get the picture, MA was determied to do ti her way, even until the end. That's what Ioved about her. Stubborn but tender. The spring of 1971 brought dramatic changes. MA's mother was diagnosed with cancer. So we returned home to Youngstown. MA went on to Boston to stay with her sister to deal with the crisis. One month after we returned to Youngstwon, I was critically injured in a car accident. Ironically, MA's mother died on the one year anniversary of my accident. My longterm recovery, family obligations, and geographical distance separated us most of the time after that. But whenever we were togther, whether in Cape Cod or in Youngstown, it was as though we never missed a beat. We started right where we left off. Yep-a friend for life. Love, Lindi

lorettaf

15 years ago

Thanks, Lindi. What stuff I'm learning about my sister!

marinababy48

15 years ago

LJ, that's only the tip of the iceberg! See you soon and tell you more.

I first met Maryan when she and Edmund were living at the Cape and buying and selling houses. It was shortly before they bought their farm. Her energy and range of interests had to attract anyone. In fact she seemed to have an endless stream of friends visiting her. I never found out who most of them were. I loved her life style which involved everything from woodworking and farming to art and searching through books and magazines looking for design ideas. She was almost never still and always doing something that resulted in beautiful objects or adventures on the beach and mudflats. Fishing clamming--you name it. Later on, when she got sick, she never complained and just kept going. An amazing lady who leaves a big hole in the universe. david

lorettaf

15 years ago

Thank you, David. That is very sweet

My memory of Mary Ann as a child is this little pest who kept trying to follow me around. I was too intent on doing what I wanted to do and that did not include baby sitting. So, as I look back now, sadly I never got to know her until she was grown up. It was in 1971 that she came to Massachusetts and we were going off to San Francisco. Ooops, it never happened. We had a fairly carefree year, neither of us was working, just living off savings and having fun. At the end of the year, she was going to move in with her then-boyfriend (and soon-to-be husband), Edmund Aiello. That's when our mother died. Shortly after that, she and Edmund got married. My best memories of Mary Ann are her years on the cape. She loved the farm and ocean. I didn't see much of her from the time she left the cape till she returned to Massachusetts with breast cancer. For the next 13 years she struggled with the cancer and numerous other problems. This did not stop her from living her life. Even in her condition she was always thinking about her friends and, when needed, helping them. She always had hope and used every minute she could to do one of her many projects or be with friends. Finally, she gave in to the pain and said "it's time". I miss her every day.